Saturday, December 16, 2023

I just need to yell into the void

 My best friend in the world, Mikey (known on this blog simply as M.) died yesterday. 


We're not sure yet if it was an accidental overdose or his heart just gave out, or a combo of both. He died in his sleep in the wee hours of Thursday morning. 


I'm still in shock kind of. Like it's hit me, but it also hasn't. My brain cannot accept the fact of a world that does not include Mikey. We were soul mates. We were supposed to grow old together, become those scary old hags in the creepy house at the edge of town with a ton of cats.


But now he's gone. I feel like part of myself is gone as well. He's been my best friend since like 1999. I've told him things about my life that I could never tell anyone else, and vice versa. He was the one person I loved and trusted most in the world. I know I'm lucky to have had a relationship like that; it's not something everyone gets to experience. But this loss is truly shaking me to my core.


So I just needed to vent this somewhere. 


I truly hope anyone of you still reading are doing well, and enjoying the holiday season.

Friday, February 12, 2021

State of the Blog Address .....again

 

It's been over six months since I vanished without explanation. I'll probably do that again in the near future, but for the moment, I have returned. Idk if anyone is still out there reading at this point. It's been that kind of year. 

 

2021 got off to an interesting start. I spent a week in January confined to a psych ward following a suicide attempt, and am still under constant supervision. M has been living with me since they let me out of the Home for the Bewildered and miraculously, I have not attempted to kill him yet.  It has actually been kind of nice having someone staying with me. I'm also on all new medications and am no longer suicidal. My family is monitoring my every move, and you never knew how many good friends you have until you almost died.


Bossman's wild weekends with his various girlfriends finally landed him bedridden with Covid-19. Even if the social worker had not ordered me to ease slowly back into full time employment, I would probably be working part time because there is NOTHIIIIINNNNNGG to do at the office. 


Baby Yoda has somehow amassed nearly 500 followers on Instagram. 



Am I officially an influenzaer now?


This is still a weird time for me. It feels like it will take a long time to feel normal, like a person again. Big Sis#2 still wakes up in the middle of the night screaming because she was the one who found me in a pool of blood in my living room. That's my fault. I did that to her. I traumatized her. I will never not feel horrible about that. I will never not feel horrible about making my mothers and father cry. About giving my siblings the fright of a lifetime. 


My cats are treating me like the worthless minimum wage employee I am (as far as they're concerned) for leaving them alone with M and the combined forces of StepMom and Mum for a week. 


Until next time, when I may or may not explain how a mothertrucking CAT was basically the start and end of the above events.