When it's at home

The number of people discussing "Quiet on the Set" is impressive.  I once used to find hope, a decade or 2 ago, when I saw people expressing shock and outrage over similar discoveries, regarding sexual exploitation of those from earlier generations. Now, all I can see is blind denial, and ignorant hypocrisy, as hands are being wrung about past situations, all while the same abuses are playing out daily in front of everyone.  Some of the same people expressing disgust or outrage for what was happening back in the 90s and 2000s, have no problem interviewing or joking about or excusing or working with sexual predators in current time, who are just as dangerous for our youth this very moment as anyone at Nickelodeon was, 20 years ago.

I guess this is how sexual exploitation of our youth will continue to be handled.  It will be allowed and ignored today, then memorialized in sorrowful regret, years after the fact.  Maybe in a decade or 2, Marc Maron's current victims might finally receive some validation, and those marketing this 60 yr-old predator to children today, may finally be called out.  It's too bad all of those feeling so bad about the stolen lives of kids years ago, can't wake up and see what this shit actually looks like in real time, when it's at home.

A repost, after finishing the 5th episode of "Quiet on the Set."

 I have now watched the first 5 episodes of "Quiet on the Set." I hope people will start to realize that any adults sexualing children 18 or younger, are sexually exploiting children. A child does not understand when adults are doing this. Mr. Schneider tried to excuse sexualized scenes in his shows as being "okay" because the jokes were not understood by the kids, and only the adults watching those references knew what it meant. That is my point exactly. No child ever understands any sexualizing they are being put thru. I did not understand what child porn was, and I was used for years in the creation of it. I had no idea my principal was a pedophile, and he was sexually exploiting me. No child will understand any sexual abuse/assault/exploitation they may experience until many years later. But any adult who was watching the referenced "cum shots" and foot fetishizing and the multitude of other sexualized situations in Schneider's programs, was enjoying the fact that they could get off watching a child experience such sexualized situations. That is sexual misuse of children. Adult predators were being gratified by children in very blatantly sexualized situations. And according to Mr. Schneider's words, the reason his shows were okay is because it was adults who understood the cum shots, not the kids. Children do not understand what is happening to them as they are being sexualized. No child should be used to create sexually gratifying material for adults. Children should never be sexualized for adults.

In this very well-done program, "Quiet on the Set," some of those interviewed speak of needing to protect kids better, now. That is so true, but it won't happen until the adults who groom and target children now, are called out, and are no longer marketed to children. All those known to be preying on our youth, must be recognized, and their access to children must be stopped.

Marc Maron is a person who has no business being marketed to children. He has over 3 decades of publicly grooming underage girls. Little girls are now sending him drawings of Mr. Snake. These children don't know what he is doing. But he does. And any adult excusing this and behaving as a Maron apologist, is perpetuating the kind of sexulization of children that occurred in "Quiet on the Set." This man is not safe for children. 

Here is my repost:

-----TUESDAY, AUGUST 15, 2023

Obsession

Today's WTF Bonus episode is interesting. A few times throughout the episode, there are the mentions of emails people have sent, and how Marc and Brendan read and honor the emails that they feel do address important issues, especially for those who are paying listeners who receive WTF's bonus material. Brendan and Marc both invite people to email them with these issues. And Brendan once again mentions, "if you are paying for it" as a concept that might make such emails receive more attention. 

I have been paying 5 dollars a month for Bonus material since last year. Obviously I am still paying for it, as I just finished listening to this episode. I sent an email, "Well, hell," on August 30, at 10:01 pm. On Sep 3, 2022, 8:33 PM, I sent an email, "OMG." The saved IG Live reel I referenced in that email was removed, a removal I referenced in the OMG followup email, sent Sep 4, 2022, 10:07 AM. Yes, like all emails WTF receives, my emails were being read. My email content was never publicly responded to with any concern for the issue I was emailing about. For 8 months, I did exactly what Brendan and Marc said to do, in today's Bonus episode. I was paying for WTF+ each month, and I was sending heartfelt emails. The issue I am addressing, to this day, is an issue that involves the lives of afab girls with a specific mental illness brought on by a specific form of child abuse, a group whose members cut themselves and self-harm in many other ways, and suffer from the longing to be gone from a world where older adults they try to trust keep re-exploitating them for sexual gratification, later abandoning them and adding to their mental illness symptoms, worsened by the older adult who re-exploited them. I consider the pain and suicide of such young people to be as important as every other group who experiences such pain and suicidal ideation because of the mistreatment they experience in systemic ways in our society 

Today's WTF episode, which I cannot legally share in this email, will have to be paid for, in order for others to hear it. It is an episode explaining problematic WTF Podcast moments over the years. It makes a point of explaining how some things from the past were wrong, and because of cultural changes, are no longer happening. Marc Maron's grooming and re-exploitation of young afab survivors of child sexualization who have a mental illness created by that abuse, is ongoing. Is happening to this day. It is not some innocently overlooked past problematic issue he no longer takes part in.

When I realized, last August, that Marc Maron was choosing to sexually exploit young victims of CSA, it was literally the last straw for me. I decided to speak up. I could have spoken about any of the thousands of older adult predators who are doing this. It was Maron's behavior that was my last straw. I did exactly as he and Brendan have always encouraged listeners to do. I emailed WTF. For 8 months, I brought this subject matter to the attention of Mr. Maron, in the exact manner Maron and his producer tell listeners to do. I am a paying listener. This issue involves some of the worst consequences for those suffering some of the most damaging child abuses that exist. Afab survivors of CSA who have BPD kill themselves every day, because they keep being re-exploited, and those predators who con them and later abandon them are viewed by others as decent people, while these girls are blamed for trusting these older adults who harm them. I cannot see how these young damaged humans' lives are less important than others who are dying because of the mistreatment they experience in society. 

I finally found the strength to speak up for this group I belong to. I wish, when I was 17, and spoke up about the SDA church-school principal who was preying on this same group, that I could have had wisdom and strength to speak about that predator the way I am speaking out now. That's not how this works. The reason young damaged members of my group are revictimized, is because they believe they are bad humans who cause older predators to damage them. That belief, and the way society perpetuates the victim-blaming of this group, makes it so there is no way for this group to escape their plight. They intrinsically need older adults who they can trust, because older adult helpers are the only way these damaged young humans will ever escape their hell. Predators act like they care. They act like they are the very help these damaged girls need. Men like Maron are allowed to prey on these damaged girls. These girls, if they don't kill themselves, may one day realize how society fed them to known predators. They may one day realize, when they are around 50 or so, how their lives, their anguish, was not important to anyone. It hurts in a way I can't even properly convey, to realize my life, as a child, mattered to no one, because sexualized little girls are seen as "less-than," are viewed as damaged "others" whom it is perfectly okay to sexually exploit. There is no way to escape this. I had to speak up.

In speaking out, it was Maron I chose to focus on, as an example of an actively-abusing predator choosing to harm the young afab members of my group. If I had chosen anyone who is currently an active predator, I would be gathering information, pointing out the abuses, giving the very examples of behavior required by society, when anyone speaks up about those who are choosing to harm vulnerable members of an "othered" group. The person who compiled that video of Joe Rogan using that awful racial slur, had a huge impact on others, because everyone finally had to see what was really going on. That person(s) who made that video, had to comb thru years of Rogan material. That person would have had to do this, regardless of who the slur-user was. That person was not obsessed with Rogan. That person was tired of everyone ignoring and excusing and explaining away cruel behavior. That person was speaking the truth.  

I am not obsessed with Marc Maron. I am doing my best to correctly speak out about the horrible, life-endangering behavior that is allowed to happen to girls from my group, girls with serious mental health issues caused by severe childhood sexualization. The requirements for speaking out make me have to gather information and do my best to present it. To try and diminish what I am required to do, by calling it anything other than gathering information, is another form of blame-shifting. If you must call what I am doing an "obsession," I will only own that word when it is used to describe the actual abuse I am trying to make others aware of. I sincerely want young mentally damaged victims of childhood sexual abuse to stop being sexually re-exploited by much older predators who are publicly choosing to prey on these victims with no repercussions. That is the only obsession I will own. Maron was the straw. That's the thread I have chosen to untangle. -----

Recap reminder

 A quote from my previous post entitled "What Gets Stolen."  

---When I was 17, I found out another another victim of the principal had tried to kill herself. I realized that sweet girl could have died. Two other victims had come to the attention of school staff. People in the church were starting to talk. I was horrified to think of any of those girls being dead.  

The principal packed up his wife and kids, and moved to another area quite abruptly. He became the principal of the adventist academy there. I knew he was going to be fucking kids there. I realized I could not live with myself if I didn't try to keep any other girls from ending up like the one I knew. I called the president of the sda conference where I lived. 

When his secretary told him I was calling about a school in his conference, he took my call right away. He started asking me questions, with that tone of voice I know and understand much better now than I did in 1983. He said he could not protect other girls unless I was honest. He was the first, and last, human I ever spoke to in detail about things that happened between me and any abuser. We talked for a long ass time. I started to realize what his breathing and tone meant; mother fucker was jerkin it. I stopped talking. His voice got professional again, and he said that because the principal had moved to another conference, there was nothing he could do. 

I called the sda church where the principal had moved. I ended up speaking to the youth minister. I gave him a brief synopsis. Here is what he said: "If you try to call anyone down here saying those kinds of lies again, we will sue you for slander, and have you arrested for harassment."---

I was coerced into silence by a common tactic used to keep victims silent. I was going to be reframed as someone who was harassing and slandering an active sexual predator. I did let that silence me, many years ago. Not anymore.

I am calling out Marc Maron for his predatory behavior. His behavior is a danger to the children he is marketed to. He is a danger to sexualized afab children. He is a danger to young survivors in recovery. Calling out his behavior is not harassment.  

Coffee and DM's

 I woke this morning to a dm from a Maron fan.  They wanted to make sure I knew that Mr. Snake would once again be making his way into theaters later this year.  Three things stood out for me, as I read their words over coffee. 

First, was this person under the impression that I believed Maron would no longer be voicing that character his child fans send him drawings of?  He is currently touring this country, where children are no longer restricted from most of his audiences.  This man has unencumbered access to groom any child he wants, and there are even parents who are excited to bring their children to see this man.  A majority of his most recent acting entries listed on IMDB are specifically created for children.  Want to shock me?  Send me a dm if children ever start being protected from having this predator marketed to them.

Second, I would hazard a guess that this dm writer has taken part in berating the Catholic church for their practice of hiding and protecting their sexually predatory priests.  But perhaps I am wrong.  Maybe this person is just as gleeful when these predatory priests are allowed continuing access to groom children.

Third.  My living abusers are all still free and have access to children, with only one exception. The one person I witnessed rape another child when I was 5, did do a handful of year's prison time in the early 2000s for sexually abusing children in the late 90s. 

I already know these sexual predators are not being stopped.  It's a lesson I have watched in action for 58 years.  If sexual predators were being stopped, instead of being given access to children through their lines of work, my blog wouldn't exist.

I write this blog, since last April 26, because this man is a present danger to young sexualized afab children, to child survivors of CSA, to young survivors who have been diagnosed with BPD and suffer from SH and SI, survivors who suffer from addiction and are often in recovery.  I write this blog for the parents who have thanked me for gathering this information and making it easier to find, because they had no idea who was behind the voice of a character their children liked.  I write this blog for the past victims, who are thankful I am saying what they can't. When this 60 yr-old man is no longer endangering children, when he is no longer free to draw in and coerce the children he views as potential targets, my posts about him will stop:

Children

Do you know where your child is?

This post isn't something I wanted to do.  I have done my best to protect the innocent by marking out names and profile pics, but all of this is public information, easy to access, right there on the apps we all use everyday.  Any one of you concerned adults could find this stuff in posts you may pass over, or browse, or read, or, god forbid, even laugh at, every day.  Those of you with kids may be actively in denial about what your children are seeing, or going thru online.  At least there was some pretense, when I was going thru my own childhood hell, that child sexual exploitation was a crime.  It is so common now days, a popular influencer can make a post like this, and nobody seems concerned. 

I have chosen to try and include pics of all of the comments below this 21 yr-old influencer's post, just to show how common this online CSA actually is for so many of those responding.  There are quite a few pictures of that whole thread here in my blog post, so it is long.  I hope that concerned parents, at the very least, will still see it as worth reading, to grasp the scope of this ongoing abuse happening to children.  If anyone visits Reddit, the subreddits there dedicated to survivors of CSA, SA, mental health/illness, etc., are filled with comments from young people who are suffering from a multitude of very serious problems, because of what happened to them, often starting online when they were children.  Because those subreddits are full of predators who swoop in to offer "help" to these hurting survivors, I will not post direct, traceable quotes of the words written by these young survivors.  But there are literally thousands of these posts, and very few of these hurting young survivors are receiving any kind of constructive advice. Predators start to DM them, either to offer bs grooming "help" that eventually leads to re-exploitation, or to tell them they deserved what they got, or deserve to be hurt in worse ways.  Other young survivors sometimes parrot the words of their own exploiters, by telling these victims they need to find a "safe" person to reenact out their abuse with.  Sadly, there are so many posts where these same survivors later write about discovering they had been re-exploited by yet another predator, when they followed this advice.  There is a reason DV survivors are not encouraged to find a person to "reenact" their DV abuse with, in order to heal.  That is not how healing from any type of abuse works.  Most of these young CSA survivors, like myself at their ages, are heading into years of being re-exploited, believing it will help them heal.  What my sda school principal, and most of the therapists and ministers and other "helper" type people did to me in private, is now publicly being perpetrated on survivors.  My hellish existence has become normalized. This will only lead to more self-harming, more substance abuse, and more deaths.  And it is leading to more sexual predators being allowed to behave as my principal and Marc Maron have publicly behaved for decades.  

Everything mentioned in the attached photos is happening right now, to children as young as 7 or 8, even as I type this. Remember that old commercial that came on at 10 pm, to remind parents about their parental responsibilities?  Well, it's 2024.  Do you know whose dick your child is being exposed to?

These following pictures are a post and comments from young ones whose playground has been the internet.  Not one of these young survivors is at all at fault for any of this bullshit.  They are not to blame for not understanding what was allowed to happen to them.  These are survivors who were/are not being protected from the pervs on their playground.  The pedos in the panel vans have been given full access to our children.  That is the fault of the older, adult, mostly male sexual predators, and the parents who did/do not check on their children's internet safety.  Not one of the young survivors posting in the following pics is at fault.  

That does bring me to a question I don't know the answer to, yet.  At some point, these survivors do reach a place where they are making choices to allow their own children to be sexually exploited.  Some of them even start to encourage the exploitation of their own offspring.  While this isn't a new phenomenon (my stepmother, Pam, had been trafficked, and she did the same to me), it is much more prevalent now.  I have seen a couple of mothers who have said they are bringing their underage daughters to a Marc Maron show.  They actually seem to get pleasure from the idea of this 60 yr-old man being interested in their child.  Some of my father's mistresses offered their own children up to my father that same way.  At some point, adults who are actively involved in handing over children to be sexually exploited, become accomplices. The Pams and Ghislaines of the world are responsible for their choices, when they decide to hand over children to sexual predators.  The parents who do this are in territory I can't comprehend. The child who gets others to join in with their own exploitation, at a predator's bidding, does not understand what the hell is going on.  The parent who allows an old man to groom their alcohol-addicted teen, or is fine with an old man walking in on their teen daughter's changing room at a beauty pageant, those parents have entered that realm of culpability where the predators reside.  

These young survivors commenting in the pics below, will one day have to realize, like I finally was able to see in my 40's, that they were not protected by anyone.  And they will also have to realize that they were ascribed the agency/blame for all of it.  Children who are sexualized are expected to know better and protect themselves.  They are expected to know what these predatory adults are really doing.  And then they are blamed for displaying the symptoms from having been sexually exploited.  No blame is placed on the much older, adult predators, who are knowingly exploiting children, who are getting off on children.  Sadly, these young survivors right now believe this was all "normal," this was "just the way it is."  They have no clue what is being allowed to happen to them.  

You want to know why our teen girls are killing themselves at higher rates than ever?  This is the reason.   They are sexualized from birth, and sexually exploited by adults, mostly men, the minute they can navigate the technology we hand to them.  And these girls are told it is all their own powerful, feminist choice to be sexually exploited like this.  That is how blame is being reframed, in order to place it on the shoulders of children.  We don't, as a society, actively encourage younger and younger drug use, or younger and younger acceptance of domestic violence, or younger children driving drunk.  But children have been exposed to old dicks ejaculating online for the past couple of decades, and those predator assholes don't have to buy candy or hide behind econolines anymore, to do this shit.  They just do it.  Anytime they want.  And when these young survivors post publicly about experiencing CSA, and no one reacts by calling out predators or trying to stop them, these survivors assume what happened to them didn't matter.  They assume it was just what they were made for. 

The following are pics of this young influencer's recent post, and the comments below that post.  I hope somewhere, at least some parents out there are paying attention. 

 

 

It's 10 pm

Dolls

 Demetri Manabat

A Priest, Candy, and Physiology

I am going to write a truth in this post.  A truth I have actively avoided writing, or saying, for decades.  Writing this truth forces me to finally scale that most egregious barrier I have slammed up against, every time I have struggled to convey the deeply insidious things that actually happen during child sexual exploitation.  In this post, I will attempt to keep anger from infusing all of my words.  I will not be entirely successful at doing that. Don't mistake this for an apology.  I'm just shining light on the rending pain that will battle in my mind as I write this.

A little preamble, for anyone who might use conjecture to accuse me of being puritanical. I do not believe in "waiting for marriage," or expecting or teaching "abstinence-only."  Naturally maturing children are meant to experience discovering their own identities, desires, and preferences, along with their peers, who are also going thru their own discoveries, with protection and guidance from non-predatory adults.  Sound utopian?  It's how nature created humans to develop. Sexual coercion or exploitation by any adult predator during the developing years of childhood is unnatural.   

Predators who sexually target children share words among themselves that would horrify most decent people.  When Chris Hansen or the FBI or any other people try to find those sexual predators who target children, they are often forced to hear or read how those predators are twisting words to excuse their unnatural behavior.  Groups like nambla or maps (I will not capitalize those groups' acronyms) speak about children, using the same manipulative tactics that sexists and racists and proslavery-apologists use to justify their insidious and cruel behavior and beliefs.  Truth is being grossly malformed by those who want to sexually exploit children.  Talking about these truths can be deeply disturbing, painful, and nauseating, for survivors.  And infuriating.  I know what a percentage of those reading this post will be thinking of as they take in my words.  I know how some of them will try to twist and misuse my words.  I know how some of them will experience arousal because of my words.  If I could place a spell on these words here today, that would cause the immediate cessation of heart activity in any perverse predator who begins to enjoy my words, I would cast that spell over this post right now.  For fucking real.

Humans are altricial. Our young must be fed, sheltered, taught, and cared for, or they will not survive.  They are meant to be protected by the adults around them, until they reach their own adulthood.  They are meant to be experiencing their childhoods along with their peers, as adults are keeping them all safe and sustained.  That is how nature designed humans.  

Patriarchy has been warping natural human development with lies about afab children for thousands of years.  We've all heard, and sometimes repeated, those tenets of patriarchy.  "Girls mature faster than boys," "girl children are meant to be fucked by adult men," etc, etc, ad fucking nauseum.  These words are based in the purposeful twisting and misrepresentation of natural physiology.   Because we live in a patriarchy, these twisted words are often accepted as truth, in regards to female children.  But there is a corresponding twist of words that is identically used by adult predators who desire to sexually exploit male children.  The reason these corresponding words aren't a larger part of the accepted vernacular systemically embedded in our society, is because we live in a patriarchy. To understand the truth about all of this, we have to look at physiology.  And we have to look at the intent of any adult who is warping natural childhood development to justify sexually exploiting any of our children. 

Humans are born with organ systems, and sub-systems, that are all parts making up the whole system of a human being. These systems function in varying degrees of under-development in infancy.  This is what makes humans experience a time of dependency on the adults around them for survival.  We are not born fully developed.  Our bodies and brains take years to reach any level of maturity.  This is our natural state of existence, when we are born.  

The reproductive system in infants is not developed, and regardless of what bigotry proclaims, a host of differences naturally occur within the reproductive systems of children everywhere.  In children, regardless of sex assigned at birth, this system goes through developing changes during childhood that roughly correspond with changes occurring in their peers.  That is natural.  Years down the road, these same systems also begin to slow their reproductive processes at roughly the same time among peers.  That is natural.  Medicine can prolong the aging of reproductive organs, and in our patriarchy, where we use medicine that has been male-centric for millenia, mass marketing of treatments to keep older penises from naturally slowing down has been the result.  Patriarchy, not nature, is the reason for this.    

All human babies, from birth on, experience increasing degrees of self-awareness, which includes awareness of sensations within their whole system.  Nothing about that awareness is mature or precocious. It is simply a part of being a developing human child.  

In our patriarchy, where afab children are spoken of in an unnatural way by those who want to sexually exploit female children, there are systemically embedded beliefs that are still passed on to new generations, by way of commonly spoken mythos. "Old enough to bleed...," "grass on the field...," etc., these are seen as acceptable or humorous statements, planting patriarchal tenets systemically into society every time these words are repeated. There is a resulting degradation of lesser known jokes shared among adults who sexually exploit children. I once heard my father and pam share just such a "joke," words I never heard repeated, until I later read those words in a John Grisham book. I despise having this glimpse into the minds of those who want to fuck children. To call it a joke is a perversion of the word "joke."  But it is no more perverted than "grass on the field."  It is the progression of the perverted "logic" behind the tenets of patriarchy.   Here are the words my father and pam found pruriently humorous:  "If they are old enough to crawl, they are in the right position."

Now, I am going to write that truth I have never disclosed before. It is a truth that will be misused, by anyone with unnatural sexual desire toward children. I also know how these words may be misused to try and shift blame from predators onto children for the crime of child sexual abuse. I write it, in spite of predators. My first memory of experiencing orgasm happened during the time right before my sister was born.  My mom was very pregnant, and taking a nap.  I was alone with my father.  I was 2 years and approximately 10 months old.  My father was manipulating my toddler body.  

Does that scene settle into your mind as a natural, beautiful moment?  (Those of you reading these words, who are picturing that depraved moment in any salacious manner, this is where my previously mentioned imaginary spell would unalive your pedo ass.  I mean that.  With every fiber of my being.)  I am unable to accurately describe the depravity and blatant lecherousness of the look in my father's eyes as that moment was happening.  The existence of love is antithetical to the look in the eyes of a predator at a moment like that.  It is the closest I can come to saying I have seen a look filled with absolute evil.  I saw very similar looks twice more, when I was a child who still didn't know I could avoid eye contact with other humans.  I saw that look in the eyes of an adult man as he raped a seven-year-old boy.  And I saw that look in the eyes of the first man who raped me when I was five.  I can still catch hints of that look in adult men contemplating the sexual exploitation of children.  I actively try not to see that look. To have a full-on view of such perversely rapturized predatorial enjoyment of defiling a child is to see actual evil.  Not satan-horns and bs religious representations of right and wrong.  No, this look is actual evil.  A look devoid of human decency.   I will never insult animals, by calling this look "animal."  The lion or wolf who catches prey, never has this look. They are not aware of causing unnatural pain and damage to another being. Their eyes do not contain the inhumane knowledge of exactly what they are doing to a being who was never meant to be exploited in such a manner. Yes, human evil is definable, unique, and very self-aware. It fucking exists.  I saw it, the first time my toddler body was forced to feel something I should have discovered on my own, later in my development.

The truth about child physiology gets misused by nambla/maps/sexual predators, to justify adult sexual exploitation of children. Human babies can experience varying degrees of undeveloped genital pleasure.  Boys and girls.  Both. Equally. I read of a priest who said he should be seen as "normal" when he sexually exploited male children, because male babies experience erections. That is a common nambla justification of child sexual abuse. Children, all children, experience childhood responses that are a part of their natural stages of growth.  Nature designed human children to be going through these stages, along with their peers, while adults are protecting and guiding how these children are maturing.  Twisting any of these childhood stages into something adults get off on, is not natural.  It is a perversion of natural development. In a patriarchy, predatory men will lecherously grin as they pontificate about how it is "little girls" who are "maturing" thru sexual stages earlier than "little boys."  That is not physiology.  That is patriarchy, justifying the sexual exploitation of afab children.  It is a lie.

Parents used to warn children about any adult strangers who offered them candy.  Predators offer children things they like, to entice them. This grooming includes offering things like sweets, or a place to play video games or watch forbidden movies, access to alcohol or drugs, expensive gifts, and something else so many kids respond to:  attention from an adult. The knowledge that these are the behaviors predatory adults use to sexually exploit children is fundamental in the ability for society to spot and stop sexual predators. Children who have been groomed by these predators are often encouraged to bring other children around to meet the predator. Because these children are all too young to know any better, they can end up unwittingly exploited by predators to bring other children around, so the predator can have access to more victims.  I once thought all of this was understood by society.  I see it being actively ignored by society today. It is not "infantalizing" children, to stop adult predators from sexually exploiting children.  To say it is infantalizing, is allowing predators to twist words and blame onto those trying to keep sexual predators from fucking kids.  It's as if parents now days are taking their children to that known predator handing out candy in front of his panel van, and these parents saying, "Now you go on and make your own strong, mature decision. If you enjoy the candy, it's all fine. See ya later," and if any adult tries to call out that predator, parents may pile on blame to the only person trying to keep an unnatural sexual crime from happening.  When did society start to believe because children like candy, they should be allowed to go on over and hop in the van with the "nice" predator?  Sexual predators whom children were once told to run away from, have been allowed to groom us all into believing that because children like whatever predators may use to entice them, that means the predators are doing allowable things.  Society is being groomed to believe because child bodies have certain immature physiological reactions that can be misused and twisted by adult sexual predators, it's okay for these predators to sexually exploit children.  We are allowing predators to have access to children, in front of everyone, while those predators twist words to normalize all of it.

When a child is playing a video game on a predator's couch, or feeling the effects of a mind-altering substance some predatory adult gave them, that child will believe they are enjoying these things. They will believe they are being mature.  But they are simply children, being exploited by a predator.  They have no way of knowing any better.  We don't let children decide who the sexual predators in society are.  Predators do not cease being criminals when a child enjoys the candy or attention that the predator gives them.  We should not excuse the predator who is a celebrity who successfully camouflages their predatory behavior behind dogwhistles and subtle grins understood by other predators. We should never allow these predators to have access to, or be marketed to, our children.  

The look on a predator's face, as they sexually exploit a child, says everything about what they are really doing.  The look on the faces of every adult male who has officially counted down to the day girls like Emma Watson or the Olson twins turned "legal" in whatever country these girls were living in, says exactly what is in those adult predators' hearts.  To allow these predatory adults access to children is to be culpable for, and an accomplice to, the crime of child sexual abuse.

I was sexually exploited by my father, who handed me to pam, who handed me to her clientele, and took pictures of me and other children to hand to other predators. The symptoms all of this created in me, made me the target of a sexual predator church school principal when I was 13, where I was then handed the blame for all of it before my 18th birthday.  None of this was my fault. And none of this was done by safe, decent adults.  None of the sexual exploitation that I experienced throughout my whole childhood was natural.  Watching society allow sexual predators to have increasing access to our children, is wrong.

Rule of 7

Patriarchy is manipulating the whole idea of feminism and empowerment, to keep afab children available for older sexual predators to sexually exploit. This is becoming an acceptable form of sexual exploitation. 

Afab children are, under patriarchal beliefs, ascribed agency and maturity that does not exist. Anyone who mentions this, though, risks being told they are moralizing or infantilizing other women. That is a misuse of words, a patriarchal adulteration of feminism, to give sexual predators more access to children. 

We don't let children say that they have decided they like alcohol or drugs, and it is their choice, so they should be free to partake at will. Part of maturity and agency is understanding the scope of what is truly happening. Afab children are children. Sexualization of afab children does not add maturity or agency. And afab children are not filled with "precocious" agency and maturity because of any biology. They are not going to see through the lies of manipulative sexual predators. They are not going to be keeping themselves, and other children, safe. Predators are the ones teaching these afab teens these ideas that warp the definition of "empowerment" and "agency" for the benefit of sexual predators. These afab teens are not going to see how such predators are actually exploiting children. Such sexualized children can, and do, mature as they get older, and may start to realize that no teen should be sexually exploited by any older adult. But in some cases, they may keep believing it is okay for older predators to sexually exploit teens, as Ghislaine Maxwell did. Either way, letting teens think that because they have been groomed by predators to see sexual exploitation as okay for afab teens, letting them think this somehow makes it a strong, empowering choice they are making, is as wrong as letting a teen use fentanyl because they have been told it is "safe" and "fun" by those who benefit from that teen being misled and endangered by using it.

Compilation of comments

 More recent comments from Reddit:

-----Subtle definitions of terms, like "chivalry" and "gentleman's club"

A question in another sub reminded me of a few terms that felt contradictory to me, as I was growing up. I was born in 1965, and my experiences with these terms were informed by books, religious indoctrination, TV shows and movies, as well as the way I watched society use these terms. Many of these terms have fallen out of common usage, but one term, chivalry, does show up occasionally, in a few conversations I have seen recently. 

I grew up loving the TV show, Mash. I also enjoyed the original movie, when I first saw it as a teenager. I received the full box set of episodes, specials, original movie, and interviews, as a birthday gift around 25 years ago. My kids and I watched reruns of this show as they were growing up.  

At some point during the last decade, watching reruns of this show became a real lesson for me, in how my peers and I grew up absorbing so many toxic ideas surrounding misogyny and masculinity. The way patriarchy was a built in systemic and accepted normality for me became much clearer, as I realized what my generation had once watched without batting an eye. The diminishment of rape and sexual harassment into running jokes, and the way the most respected men in the camp were the ones who could masterfully use coercion in a "gentlemanly" manner, in order to get laid, stand out now, in so many of the episodes. For me, it is disturbing to remember how I could not see any of this, as I watched this show religiously while in my teens. (I do not think any sections of the show should be removed or banned. It does paint an honest picture of life in our society, during the 1950s war era, and again later, when the movie and series were created.)

I do remember being confused by one particular scene, while I was still a teen. That scene didn't sit right with me. Hawkeye and Margaret were with Klinger at an aid station, and after a crazy day, they are trying to get some sleep. Margaret is concerned about nearby enemy activity. Hawkeye shares his blanket with her and scoots closer. Then he tells Margaret, "I want you to know, chivalry isn't dead. It's just been replaced by exhaustion." I remember wondering why he would equate "chivalry" with being awake enough to turn that moment into sexual activity. Why did it seem like he was saying that he couldn't be chivalrous enough to fuck her, because he was too tired? It sometimes felt like "chivalry" simply meant a man being more subtly coercive at getting sex, in order to not appear rapey. It was like a man who could be better at manipulating a women into sex, a man more well-versed in coercion, was somehow a more decent, chivalrous man. The kind of man who chose to frequent "gentleman's club," instead of simply paying for sex on the street. Which brings me to the 2nd term that was also troubling to me, as a teen. Was discretion and wealth the only character differences between all of the men who sexualized and objectified women? Was a man sipping cognac, smoking cigars with other men as they enjoyed women being objectified in an opulent setting, really more decent than a man getting a lap dance in a cheap strip club? 

I am in no way asking all of this to get into the subject of sex-work. I am just looking back at how I instinctively viewed certain terms as definitions that to me, seemed to be saying that men sexualized and objectified women, but decent men did it with better coercion techniques, and more discretion.-----

-----Sexualized children do not understand what adult predators are doing, the ways adult predators lie to them and manipulate them. Grooming is not something any sexualized child understands. Adult predators are the ones who tell these youth that they are finding their own sexuality, but that is not true, when older predators are exploiting these sexualized children.

Children who are not sexualized as toddlers/preteens, tend to search for their natural sexuality through peer interactions. That is natural. As in how nature intended. Puberty happens to most children roughly around the same age, and the slowing of the sexual organs also happens at roughly the same age. Humans are meant to be naturally experiencing sexuality with their peers. But in our patriarchy, it is afab children who are sexualized as early as toddlerhood, by everything marketed to them. Not amab children. And in our patriarchy, medicaid/medicare provides medical methods for older males to bypass the natural progression of their own physiology. Birth control may start to be less available for child-bearing humans, soon, but no way will the availability of ED medications ever be stopped. Convicted sexual predators can often get medicaid/medicare to cover the cost of such prescriptions. The natural progression of how male fertility is meant to work is seen as a dysfunction. Meanwhile, a pregnant person who medically needs an abortion will sometimes go thru hell trying to get actually necessary medical care.  

This is how our patriarchy works. Afab children are sexualized/objectified before they can read, then told they are making strong feminist choices by having their natural sexuality be totally manipulated by old predators. Nothing about this empowers anyone but sexual predators.-----

-----There is something much deeper happening, when it comes to the way afab children are being treated, in our society. It is why teen girls are going thru what they go thru.  

The documentary Pretty Baby addresses how this started, as a reaction to the first waves of feminism. It has gotten so much worse. While targeting youth for things like alcohol and tobacco have received pushback, the sexualization and objectification of afab children from toddlerhood on has not received any pushback. Instead, it has exponentially grown.  

We do not tell a 13 yr-old who consumes alcohol that if they know how to make a complicated mixed drink, this means they are mature enough to be given alcohol by adults. We criminally charge adults who provide youth with alcohol. We do not say a child with a drinking problem is making mature choices and is developing self-agency bcuz they drink a lot. Joe Camel was retired, and candy cigarettes are no longer on the shelves of most stores. E-cigarettes had to discontinue flavors enticing children, because we know a child who smokes/vapes is not making mature choices from a place of self-agency. But we have allowed afab children to be sexualized and objectified younger and younger, we allow adult men to interact with these sexualized children younger and younger, and as these girls are showing the symptoms of being sexualized and objectified, we blame these girls by telling them they are making powerful mature feminist choices, we ascribe self-agency to these underage girls. And who is benefitting? The adult men who are grooming these girls and sexually exploiting them for whatever they want are the only ones who benefit. Our teen girls are self-harming and killing themselves at higher rates than ever. We are allowing the destruction of our afab children. This is not their fault at all. But adult men say these afab children are mature, and are exercising self agency. They groom these girls to blame themselves with those very words.

As someone who experienced CSA starting at 2, and was trafficked by my hooker stepmother to her clients and for CP, I was blamed for all of the old men who re-exploited me, starting with my sda school principal when I was 13. It has horrified me to see how that outright slut-blame I received has been manipulated into some sort of mature feminist decision these sexualized children are making. It is blame, wrapped up in a bs bow. These girls are ending up with mental health issues, slicing themselves up, and killing themselves. And the predators just move on to the next girls.  

It makes me feel physically ill, to watch this happen to children.

Teen girls can have no idea what their natural sexuality might have been, when they are sexualized as small children. Natural exploration of sexuality for afab children is not happening. What 14 yr-old girls are experiencing now is not their choice at all. But they truly believe it is. And it is harming larger numbers of them than ever.-----

-----These trauma responses are the symptoms of childhood sexualization. It can take a long time to fully understand where these symptoms are coming from. CSA creates internal beliefs and damage that leave us suffering for a long time.  

For me, it took me learning to view my younger self as the child I had actually been, and no longer seeing my young self as some"bad, hypersexual child," like everyone always told me I was. I did not "cause" any old predator to harm me. Lifting all blame off my child self, and placing it on the predators who first harmed me, started to make me want to protect myself, because I saw myself as worthy of protection. This, in turn, made me learn to see predators for exactly who they are choosing to be. Where I once was easily manipulated and re-exploited by such predators, I can now spot them, and bcuz I now understand what they are truly capable of, and how they are harming damaged young survivors who are not at fault, I immediately set boundaries with them. The reward of finally being capable of keeping myself safe is so much better than anything I once believed I was getting, when I was still caught in the awful cycle of being re-exploited by manipulative old predators. It took me a long time, but I am in such a better place, now.  

I hope you find whatever healing will help you keep yourself safer, and give yourself the protection and care nobody else gave you when you were younger. You deserve to be safe, and to find healing.-----

-----For me, the freedom to naturally grow into our own individual sexuality would be ideal. We should all have such freedom. But I do run into a big red flag, when I see afab children being sexualized from toddlerhood on, who are interacting with adult men on apps as preteens/teens, then being told they are making strong feminist choices when they are being groomed and lied to and sexually exploited by these older predators. Children are not wiser because they are sexualized younger. These predators are the same sick misogynists who have been sexually exploiting afab children forever.  

Predators are finding ways to twist feminism into words that these youth can't possibly grasp. There is nothing natural or healthy about old men fucking kids. If we don't allow patriarchal ideas to warp feminist language into words those same predators use to have earlier access to afab children, then children will be able to discover what they truly want for themselves as they mature. If we let all kids naturally grow into their own sexuality instead of having it marketed to half of them before they even start school, then all kids have a better chance to discover their own preferences and experiences. Telling a sexualized afab child that them being groomed by an old sexual predator is a strong feminist choice, telling them they have the wisdom and agency to "choose" to be sexually exploited by a sexual predator, is another form of victim blaming. The only people who are gaining anything from all of this are old sexual predators. The same men who have been controlling patriarchies for eons.-----

-----I do not agree with the ideas I have read about Louis Perry's views. But I have noticed a trend where, in advocating for equality in the way adults are choosing to express their own sexuality, there are some predators twisting that freedom to include their sexual exploitation of afab children.  

I am a never married, never gonna be married, sexually active female, who chooses to take part in intimate interactions with other non-partnered peers of all genders. I have involuntarily worn that damn scarlet letter my whole adult life, and experienced the slut-shaming that comes with it. I do not believe in shaming any consenting adults for anything they are choosing to do with other consenting adults. But I take absolute exception to the CSA/CP/trafficking I experienced as a child, and the resulting sexual re-exploitation I continuously experienced from 13 on, as somehow being a part of my own stong, feminist decision making. That is simply twisting words to continue blaming sexualized afab children for what adult predators are doing to them because of the symptoms sexualized children go thru as teens.

I hope I explained this better. It has been disturbing to watch more children be sexually exploited and re-exploited like I was, and see how blame is now being twisted into some sort of strong feminist choice these kids are making. That is something I believe needs to be made clear whenever we are discussing sexual equality.-----

-----I have not spent time delving deeply into her beliefs, but I feel my internal temp rise, too, whenever I hear anything that will increase the shaming of women for exercising sexual freedom.-----

-----The re-exploitation of survivors is a common, ignored, and accepted practice in our society. Adult predators see every child experiencing CSA as a potential future victim of their own perverse desires. They know these children are now going to be mentally compromised, which makes them easier to re-exploit and blame. They know these survivors have damaged abilities to set boundaries. They know that a harmed CSA survivor will be sent into the "flight or fright or freeze" state of mind whenever they feel threatened again. That means the predator can enjoy feeling like they are actually physically assaulting such a child, because the threat of being put thru something that survivor already had to go thru, causes the survivor's mind to react as if they are really experiencing CSA again. Some of these predators take it a step further, and start off by acting compassionate toward the survivor, offering to help the survivor, because they know these children need support and help to recover. These grooming predators do all of this in order to con the survivor into trusting them, so the predator can sexually re-exploit that survivor again. 

I believe part of the reason society does not do more to stop CSA/CP/trafficking, is because a significant portion of society sees such moments of abuse as the very activities that create youth who are easier to re-exploit, and then blame. Until society calls out such re-exploiting predators, and blames them for what they do to survivors instead of blaming the survivors, I don't believe the crimes encompassing CSA will ever lessen. These crimes have increased exponentially in the last few decades, and I believe that until these CSA crimes are no longer viewed as a sick aphrodisiac by such a large percentage of society, there will never be a real endeavor to see the eradication of CSA.

I am so sorry you were subjected to such sick re-exploitation, OP. The way your history has created mental and emotional symptoms that are harmful and painful for you, should never be viewed by anyone as an effed up chance to harm you even more. I'm glad you shut off DM's. No one online should be trying to communicate privately with you about any of this.

Your words here are an example of the strength you are developing. You are speaking up for yourself, and working to keep yourself safe. I hope you continue doing this for yourself, as you work toward healing.

I wish you continued healing and growth and safety in the future.-----

-----Any of the childhood abuses that destroy our ability to set, or even sense when we need, boundaries, leave us vulnerable to exploitation by predators. Such abuses keep us from developing a natural sense of ourselves, a sense that we each deserve to have nurtured in us as we grow up.

I am so sorry you went thru being harmed by just such a predator 💔❤️‍🩹-----

-----Aileen Wuornos was so harmed by re-exploitation, it was heartbreaking. Even a christian woman who said she was trying to help Aileen, after Aileen had been incarcerated, tried to turn that "helper" relationship with Aileen into something sexual. Aileen must have viewed her life as one sexual predator after another, just wanting to re-exploit her over and over. No one ever saw her as a human who deserved anything else. No wonder she wanted to stop legally fighting to delay her execution. She is an extreme example of society never once noticing what predators did to her from toddlerhood on. Society still compares her to other serial killers. I do not see her as a Gacy or Dahmer. Once she first experienced CSA, she was constantly re-exploited sexually. It completely destroyed her to be sexually re-exploited by everyone her whole life 💔-----

-----OP, anyone who can't say what they want to say to you right here, in front of everyone, don't trust them. You can shut off message and chat options. I highly recommend doing that. Just as irl, there are lots of predators here who troll SA subs for their effed up perversions. But decent people are here, too, and they won't be sending DM's. Because they understand exactly why you posted this 💔 

I am so sorry you have had to deal with these jerks.------

Angel Wings

A repost of my favorite Holiday song, and the photo I think of whenever I listen to it:

My kids and I created our own Christmas traditions, and stayed home almost every year to enjoy them together as they grew up. But, back in '98, my mom and sister took my kids on one of their favorite trips, to Disneyland for Christmas break. Right before they drove off in my mom's car to head for the airport, my 8-yr-old daughter dropped back in the snow, to make me a snow angel, so I wouldn't miss her too much over Christmas. This is the photo I took of her angel.

A few years ago, a friend of mine introduced me to Tom Prasada-Rao music. The first time I heard "Angel Wings," it became my favorite holiday song. It also made me think of my daughter's snow angel from the Disney Trip.

I wish a blessed holiday season to all my friends and family.

Tom Prasado-Rao, Angel Wings