I don't know why this post has taken me so long to write.. The other update posts were written pretty close to the actual date. This one is about 3 months late. Woops. I guess that's just what happens when life gets busy. To recap, my surgery was done on 10/28/2015, and I weighed in with my Dr.'s office at 409 lbs a week before the surgery. For my own records, I weighed myself 2 days before surgery and I was down to 397 lbs. This post is going to just update everyone (and myself) on what I've done this last year, and what I've accomplished. It'll probably be long, just fair warning.
 |
| October 2015 |
 |
| October 2015 |
 |
| October 2016 |
 |
| October 2016 |
To say this year has gone by fast is an understatement. So many things had happened, it's crazy to know where to start.. So I'll start where my 6 month update left off. I mentioned that I had started seeing a counselor. I was going 2 times a week at the beginning, then we tapered off to once a week, and now I go when I feel like I'm getting bogged down by everything again. I've gained some very good coping mechanisms, and I've learned how to set boundaries. Not just with myself, but with others in my life. Before, when I was bigger, I just figured I was lucky anyone liked me (including family) so I just went along with what everyone said we should do, never thinking if it was something I even wanted to do. Now, I make sure it's something that I want to do, and if not, then I just don't do it. I've also learned how to speak up for myself and not let people walk all over me. Trust me, I've had to learn that there are consequences to that, and not everyone's going to like what I'm going to say, but at some point I have to put my needs above others. I'm worth that. It took a long time for me to learn how much I'm worth, and as I'm learning it's pretty freeing.
Back in July, I wrote my 300 lbs lost post. That was the biggest milestone for me, and I decided that I needed to commemorate it. Now, before surgery, commemorating something equaled food being involved, and lots of it. After surgery, I knew that I didn't want to do that, I wanted something a little more permanent, and my life no longer revolves around food. (Also, I didn't lose 300 lbs to go celebrate with food, haha). So, my husband and I talked about it, and we decided to get tattoos. The tattoo has a couple of different meanings for me. One, the penguin itself; penguins are one of the few animals in nature that will mate for life, and it's my husband's favorite animal. We thought, for those two reasons, it would be fitting to get a couple's tattoo with penguins. To make it our own (and a little different from each other) I got mine with the pink bow, and he got his with a blue bow tie. Second, this was something PERMANENT to remind me what I had to lose (literally) to get it. I lost THREE HUNDRED pounds!! That's no small thing! And to do it in just over 2 years is remarkable. I'm not trying to toot my own horn, I'm just being honest. So, my tattoo is a visual reminder for me to remember what I've gone through to get where I am today.
In August, we went camping for my birthday up to Bear Lake. It had been YEARS (like 12-15 years) since I'd gone camping. I love camping, but you can't go when you weigh so much. It's just not comfortable, and I wouldn't have had fun. So we went camping, in our tiny two man tent (like, we couldn't even stand up in the tent), we also went swimming in the lake (I sun-bathed on the beach), and we walked around the campsite. It was seriously the funnest weekend I'd had in a long time. It was so fun to get to do something that I wouldn't have been able to do a year prior.
In September, I went to Comic Con for the first time. I had a BLAST!! It was a ton of walking and looking around, and I was able to do all of it! I even got a picture with Michael Rooker. He's seriously so amazing, and the nicest person. I about peed myself after I met him. Haha. This was also the month that I got my second job, at Maverik. Before I lost the weight, there's no way that I would've been able to work at a job that requires me to stand for hours on end, and also requires a bit of physical labor. It is seriously the funnest job. I love working there, and I love the people I work with. They're the best group of people, and my manager is amazing. I'm grateful everyday that I was able to get a job there and make the friends I've made.
In October, for the first time in a very long time, I was able to buy a "one size fits all" costume. I LOVED it. I loved being able to go into the costume store, knowing I'd be able to buy just about anything they had in stock. Not having to worry about that is such a nice feeling, and sometimes I forget that I don't have to worry about not fitting into things. Haha. It's funny, the things you have to get used to once the weight is gone. We also started our monthly tradition of going bowling. Now, I suck at bowling, but it's fun to go and do things, even if you suck, and to just have fun. :) Also in October, I had my one year check up with my surgeon. When I told him that I had lost 220 lbs since surgery, his jaw dropped and he gave me a hug (I cried). The amount of pride I felt in that moment was indescribable, but so was the amount of gratitude I have for that man. Dr. Simper saved my life. There's no other way to put it. Without him, I know I was heading down the road to a short life, and long drawn-out death. I have a new lease on life, and I owe so much of that to him.
We went tubing in December at Gorgoza park up in Park City. It was a blast! We went down the hills so many times, I'm pretty sure I wore Bryan out with all the running around we did. Haha. Before we could go tubing, I had to buy winter clothing (snow pants, snow boots, etc.), I was able to buy it online, and it all fit! I couldn't believe it! First, the fact that I could actually buy CUTE clothes online and have them fit was a miracle. Second, the fact that I didn't have to worry about looking like a giant snow man in all of the clothing was such an amazing feeling. For the first time, I felt like I just looked like a "normal" person. I felt like a kid again.
There are still times when I struggle with my feelings of self-worth, and feeling like I'm not fat. I think those will take a while to get over. I'm SO SO lucky in the fact that I have an AMAZING husband by my side. He's seriously so supportive of me, and does his best to understand the feelings, and everything else that I'm going through. I really don't know what I'd do without him by my side. He's my rock, and I know I wouldn't have gone as far as I have without him.
Another thing I've struggled with is not hating my old self. I've often thought about how disgusting I was, I mean, how could I let myself go like that? And if I could allow it to happen once, will I allow it to happen again? There are no guarantees in life, but one thing I'm sure of, is that I will NEVER let myself get to that point again. I will not give up this freedom I now enjoy, not being tied down by all of that weight. I also won't waste all of the hard work I've put into getting myself to where I am. Now, I just need to learn to let go of the anger, resentment, and hate that I've been holding onto about my old self. I think it might take me a while, but eventually I'll get there.
To end, if someone were to tell me a year ago, what I was going to do, and accomplish, and where I'd be now, I would've told them they were crazy. I would've told them there's no way. But I did it! I'm 11 lbs away from being at my goal weight. Hopefully this year, we'll be able to start a family. All I know is that a year a can drastically change a person, I'm hoping that this time next year I'm happier and more loving of myself than I am now.
One more thing: THANK YOU. Thank you to everyone who's watched my journey and has been so encouraging. You have no idea what your support means to me. I have so many people in my life who love me, and I know that I'm so very lucky. My goal in writing these blogs was just to be able to remember what this first year was like. I never thought that I would be an inspiration, or that I would get so much encouragement from so many people. Sometimes that encouragement, and support is all that's carried me through. Just know, from my heart, I'm so grateful and I love every one of you. Thank you.
 |
| The night before surgery 2015 |
 | |
|
 |
| July 2016 |
 |
| July 2016 |
 |
| December 2016 |
 |
| December 2016 |
 |
| December 2016 |
 |
| These are the jeans I wore the day of surgery. Now I can stand in one leg! |
 | |
|
 |
| WOW!!! |
 |
| This is the shirt I wore the day of surgery, now I can put 2-3 other people in with me! |
 | |
|
 | |
|
 |
| I decided to try on my wedding dress, it's so big now! |
 | |
|
 |
| Bryan can give me piggyback rides!! :) |
 | |
|
 |
| I love our little family. :):) |
