Of half a century of togetherness

(Note: I started writing this on the actual anniversary day of my parents..when I was feeling extremely sad to be so far away from them. But I never intended to finish writing it in day or in a jiffy. A story that has spanned 50 years, I needed my time to put it on paper. The only problem was ..everytime I started writing, my eyes would be flooded and mind overwhelmed. I hope I did justice to bring out some key elements from my parents' journey together)

He was a high school dropout, pulled into the family business too soon. She was BCom Hons in Economics whose final year exams were put on hold because a suitable match was found for her. And just like that, they were married. Settled into the joint family, she soon adjusted into the new family. A pampered daughter into her own family, became the oldest daughter -in-law in the family. Time passed on, they both had kids...3 daughters and a son. They were like fire and ice, she like a fire...being a strict mom, enforcing the rules and discipline for kids. He was like ice...the cool parent for the kids, always mellow, willing to bend the way his kids wanted him to. He was the parent who would quietly sign the late homework note for kids without letting their moms know. In an era when the feminist word was not even discovered, he would be the one who would let her wife go and care for her dad and stay back to take care of his 3 kids on his own. 

But then the winds changed. Times and circumstances made them leave their hometown and move to a totally different city and kind of start from scratch. They started on a high note...Everything looked good, new town, new beginnings, closer to family. It should have been good, right? But it was the calm before the storms. Because very soon, the tsunami waves started hitting and life went upside down. All of a sudden, they very own folks they trusted, turned their backs on them, some showed their true self and few others started trying to look for every possible way to pull them down to the rock bottom. 

And life did hit the very ultimate rock bottom for not only both of them but their four kids too. Life became a daily struggle, unsure for both of them as to where to start pulling it together. All this while, their 4 kids were watching this entire life drama play almost daily in front of them and unknowingly learning some very key lessons about money, people, relationships and how everything changes with time. 

Initially, they both stumbled and kind of started losing their control on things and felt helpless. But then, she decided to keep the fear of "what would everyone say" on the side and make every effort to bring things into control. She had two big tasks in front of her - one to keep sinking ship afloat and find ways to get to the coast, and second, to pave the ways for her kids' future despite everything being turned upside down. And the biggest one was to become the backbone for that one person who was so beaten down by circumstances but never showed it at all. It wasn't a task for the faintest hearts; it was not rosy at all. It was bumpy and scary ride. But they did, fell, stumbled and then again got up. Got again beaten down, sometimes by circumstances, sometimes by people they trusted, sometimes by their own mistakes. But the only thing that kept going was all 6 of them being there for each other. Life and its ways had changes a lot in those years; Some of the normalcies became luxuries and some different things became the new normal. they say you have to hit rock bottom before you can bounce back. So life was at the lowest point but they all kept hustling and swimming.

Over the next several years, things started to return to somewhat normal because the thing called life never stops, right !! The kids grew up, got settled into their career, got married. And each one of them took their own lessons from the turbulence and its repercussions they saw on the family. But the one lesson they all took away from this whole saga was the never faltering strength and support they had for each other. 

Now, they are both at a stage of life where have the time to sit back and reflect back on how it all unfolded. In good, bad and worse times, they gave up a lot and held on to each other and came out of the storm.  Sometimes, they have their own regrets on not being able to do things for the ones they love when it was time. But then it does not stop them from going overboard now when they can.

Theirs is not the only story I have seen unfold; I saw my nana nani, my amma -babaji, my chacha-chachi..all those stories too !! But theirs was the one I grew up watching so close and being so touched by it.  

As they marked a milestone in their journey this year, all I wish for them is maximum happiness and that feeling of peace and content that they so much deserve; to have the means and time to do what they always wanted to do for each other and their loved ones; to enjoy their time with their grandkids.

Love you Maa and Papa

Happy Birthday Papa

 This blog has now become a repository of my emotions and outlets for the days and occasions that matter for me most. The month of April marks 3 main celebrations in my family: my sister's birthday, my brother's anniversary and then my dad's birthday. I wrote about my sister's birthday. And today is my dad's birthday. For my brother's anniversary, I have to find the courage to relive that day and write about it sometime.

So, my dad...my papa..my earliest memories of him is of the person who used to save us from any troubles we used to get in. My mumma was the tough parent, so he used to be the good one...the one who would sign our late homework or less grade papers secretly; get us kulfi from the roadside (mumma was strict against the roadside food) or even let us sleep till late and skip the schools on rainy days. And his mantra used to  be "Itni baarish ho rahi hai? Koi teacher nahin aayegi, koi bache nahin aayenge. Kya karoge school jakar?".

He loves to eat and make others eat, especially sweets. When we were kids, he was the one who got the first gold coins (chocolate coins), peppermint cigarettes for us !! Even now, before even I get home, he will have garma garam jalebi at home ready for me. And will keep asking mom, when is she going to make halwa for the kids. On my return, I always have a huge box of home made laddoos with me.

It breaks my heart to see him struggling with his blood sugar levels now and not able to eat the things he so used to love to eat. 

Over the last few years and especially this pandemic his health, his anxieties and his carefree spirit have taken a toll. That hearty laugh that I used to adore about him is not that hearty anymore. It is as if there are clouds of doubt, anxiousness and pain in that, words I never related to my dad, even in the worst of the times.

Sitting so far away, I try to cheer him up as best as I can. Conspire with sisters and brother to surprise him, coerce mom to cook his favorite dishes; call up neighboring uncle to see how their card games are going. 

Papa..for today and the years coming, I wish you become the version of you that you are content and happy with. You get to experience moments and relations that make you happy. And you continue spreading that to others too. Because trust me, your always smiling face and your response of "First Class" to anyone who asks how are you, is extremely infectious. 

Love you papa, and you, the one really up high there, you make sure to make things better for him, please !!

Sisters are everything

 Sisters..such a strange yet sweet relationship that someone created !! I was fortunate enough to grow up with 2 younger sisters.

When we were growing up, we all didn't call this relationship "fortunate". We had a love-hate but symbiotic  kind of relationship with each other. We shared clothes, shared room and closets, divided house chores where everyone picked what they liked to do, tolerated each other's that one "irritating" friend and kept her secrets but only because she knew some of mine too !! 

But as we started growing up, each one started having their own personalities, without even realizing, we started depending on each other - to complement us, to support us, to complete us and lend a shoulder when we struggled to stand up for our own self. And there were many many such moments...when each one of us was trying to lend a hand to support the family during our worst times, when each one of us was trying to find our footing into careers we wanted to land into. Every time, one of us stumbled or fell, the immediate reaction of other 2 was to pick that one up. Now, when I look back, that was the start of a different kind of relation between us.

Having said that, doesn't mean we didn't have fun with each other. Stealing remote control batteries when SRK movie was playing or making fun of Rishi Kapoor's sweater designs (my youngest was his fan at some point) or pulling my younger's sister by asking her to recite a Sanskrit shlok or giving her a number in hindi(she could not differentiate between Dhai or dhedh(2.5 or 1.5 in hindi)) ..these are still our usual jokes with each other. 

Then, life happened...we all got married..to 3 strangers and for a moment, each one of us panicked that it will all change !! But after a few hiccups and speedbreakers, we were back in our groove, lending an altogether different kind of support for each other.  And time has only cemented the foundations of our relationship. We have a telepathy for each other...No matter what is troubling me, I just need a chat with one of them and I can be back to being myself. We can read each others' emotions and know what's bothering the other. 

Life wouldn't be same if not for you, dear R and S.

And on that note, a very happy birthday to my sis !!

May always be laughing, giggling and spreading the cheer everywhere.

When everything was lost, all that was left was us.

 I have been binge watching this series on Netflix called "Schitt's Creek". I have just absolutely loved this show so far. Most of the times, when I love a book or movie or series this much, it is because I find a common connection to them somehow. And I had been wondering how was I connected to this goofy story.

And then, it just struck me out of the blue today. For those who haven't watched it or dont know what the series is about, it is a story of a couple and their two grown up kids who had been very rich and spoilt at some time, lose their everything and then build up their lives in a small remote place called Schitt's Creek.

For some reason, one of the episodes I watched recently took me back to  rough phase in my own childhood when my dad had lost his everything in the business and we were down to rags. It was a really painful and bleak phase of life. Lots of incidents that I have sort of blocked out of my memory. Oldest among my siblings at 16, I knew what was going on in the house. All 6 of us, including my siblings and parents were trying to turn those dark days but somehow fate and time was just not in our favor. 

Yet, there is this one incident that I still to this date, remember very clearly. It was late in the evening during summers and there was a power cut.  So we were all outside in the verandah. It had been one of those days where things had taken a turn for even worse. I had just come back from college and papa was lying on a charpai, too silent for his usual self. Mom was sitting there too, as if in some deep thoughts. My sisters were already home a bit early that day and brother had also come back from market just at that time. My sisters, in their usual goofy nature, were doing some comedy about a neighboring nosey aunty; my brother was laying with his head in my mom's lap and adding his flavors into their jokes. I was sitting next to my dad and rubbing his head.  A few minutes went by like that...then my papa got up and sat and looked around and said, "Sab kuch kho diya, lekin tab bhi sab nahin khoya hai !! Agar itna sab khokar bhi hum milkar hans sakte hai to isse badi koi baat nahin ho sakti !!" Even in that darkness, I could feel the pain on my dad's face and sense what was going on in each one of ours heads. And that line of his has stuck with me ever since. 

Things did not change overnight like a Hindi movie; we went through hell and worse !! But the only good thing that came out of it was how close it brought us all together and how strong it made my dad's kids. His daughters can fight a mountain and survive in a desert. We learnt the importance of money and relations in life. And my brother, he learnt to only trust and rely on his own hard work and gut feelings and nothing else in life. Even so far away, he knows his sisters has his back.  Anyone who knows me well, know how close I am to my siblings; they are like my own kids. And a lot of it comes from that phase. We understand each other like no one else. When one of us makes a decision, even without talking, we know what was going in their head for them to act that way. Nothing in the world can turn us against each other.

Because when everything was lost, all that was left was us and only us !!

What do you do?

How do you reach out to a person whom you have not spoken with for years?

When you last spoke, none of you said good byes, yet neither took the first step to restart the conversation?

When you have tons of things to share and ask and get mad at, but are unable to get past the walls of prolonged periods of unexplained silence?

When you are not even sure if the other person will ever respond or not?

When you don’t want this conversation to be through phone or emails or chat but face to face because you want to see the clouds of emotions on that person's face?

when you know that the stars will never ever again align to put you two in the same space at the same time?

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You just let it out on a piece of paper, for hours !!

and then rip that apart into thousand pieces after a few days, after re-reading that conversation just to yourself thousand and one more times !!

Just because

Stereotypes... I tell you
They box a person inside a cage, tend to define them based on some assumptions !!
But I truly believe every person is unique in their own ways
No 2 people can have the same personalities or traits

I found these lines while searching for something and this could be very well written by my younger one, who so dislikes herself being called "girly" or "pretty"

Image source: https://www.girlsempowermentnetwork.org/clubgen/clubgen-girls-share-their-just-because-poems/

I am enough

This is more as a reminder and note for myself, when I start feeling down and defeated.
That I am enough !!