Mean girls

 Okay first off - I may change this m post- but you wouldn’t know that- would you-

I like to write about my thoughts and real experiences or stories in my life- so don’t take too much time wondering why I’m still thinking about this- sometimes I rack my brain- and the strangest unimportant things come out!

Years ago there was this woman who came to our church- pretty regularly- for at least a year or two- she came in the Sunday school class I was in- and my husband Frank taught it-

I remember thinking she was a super Christian and I doubted very much- that I was anywhere near her level of devotion- I liked her-

Every time I would interact with her- she would apologize and ask me my name again- admittedly I don’t recall her name today- but back then- I always remembered hers’- 

After probably a dozen times of her asking my name again- I started to think she may not have liked me- or that I was very forgettable at best-

She never was at a loss for Frank’s name- and I started to take notice of how complimentary she was towards Frank-

At the time Frank was losing weight and as always he dressed up for church 

I on the other hand was quite overweight- although I dressed in church clothes also-

Well after much thought as to why she was ignoring me or pretending to forget my name- I decided to play her game- the next time - and the last- when she struggled to come up with my name- I told her Debbie-

She looked like she had been caught- she never asked my name again and never met my knowing gaze again-

Last time

 I picked last- I can’t talk about some last times- I’m not comfortable enough to delve into some last times- so although it’s still emotional and bittersweet- I decided I would feel okay with the idea of my childhood home last times-

As we sold our parents house a few years ago- I found myself going there several last times- to go through old stuff- marked with the occasional treasure- or a long forgotten piece of childhood that echoed with a mixture of dread regrets and sadness- and not without a sprinkling of fear-

Wondering how I got to these last times- did I ever foresee the future as I sat in the soft chair- looking at the Christmas tree- almost always after Christmas- and suddenly feeling the Christmas spirit-

Did my reflection in the picture windows ever stop to truly see myself- would it recognize the woman pondering these memories today-

Last time in my hallway- last time in my bedroom-in the pink bathroom- in the paneled den - last time- take it in- don’t resist the endless pangs of illusive moments-

So I touched the door- looking back as I closed it-like watching the last scene in a long running sitcom-

And I promised the child within me- that I would try hard to give reverence to all these last times

Kitchen talk

 Of course we all know- write what you know- that’s especially good advice for me -as I have more than once admitted to being a lazy writer at best- -so research would not be my choice-

Now again an admission of sorts- I’m not really that versed in the kitchen-

But kitchen seemed to be kinda a safe k word

I was doing cooking videos off and on over the last few years since Frank died

At first it made me feel a bit guilty- as I couldn’t boast of having a home cooked meal waiting for Frank each night

For a while I was really into them- and finding a new/old interest in food preparation-

I made crockpot recipes- stove top one pot meals and occasionally some harder tries- such as enchiladas- tomato pies- and stuffed shells- but nothing too intricate -

I also found myself immersed at times with crafts- which was so not like me-

I mean I used to do children’s church- I always loved thinking of a craft and purchasing the supplies- but almost never partook in the implementation-

I have discovered the beauty of soups- so versatile and economical-

I might go back to the videos this summer- we’ll see 

Hmmm maybe if I find myself blogging next April- I can work it out- to just show a-z cooking videos-

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Jellybeans

 Okay I know my oldest grandson loves jellybeans- and popcorn and tea-

This year as always I try to find little treats and things for everyone’s  Easter basket- or containers- whether they be bags- beach bags or tote bags-

My girls and granddaughters mainly get objects- with some special candies thrown in- my boys and older grandsons mostly get edible stuff with the occasional funny socks included-

This year my oldest son and one of my grandson’s Easter bags got switched- I saw the look on my grandson’s face as he retrieved Twinkie popcorn out and my son eyed his son’s Reese’s pieces and combos!- I assured them they had gotten the incorrect bag- they laughed it off!

I told them just to take the bag that was meant for them- but they seemed to be enjoying exchanging items-

As my oldest grandson pulled out jelly beans teas popcorn- popcorn seasoning and more jelly beans- my grandson with his dad’s bag- started to wonder- does my nanny even know what I like or not!

Now remember they by this point were aware that the bags were mixed up- anyway- he continued to hold up stuff that was meant for his dad and say things- like “hot sauce- for real”- and the coffee for his dad- he was fine with that!

But I sensed- maybe he hadn’t seen all the things I had remembered he liked and didn’t like- 

I assured him again- you know I know you hate popcorn- you know I know you don’t care for hot stuff- but did you see the beef jerky- and not the spicy kind-

He smiled as he and my son traded the ritz socks for the doggie socks and my grandson’s gummy lifesavers for my son’s jellybeans-

Imitation

 Is supposedly the highest form of flattery 

I guess that could be in the eyes of the beholder kinda thing!

I’ll never forget my first drama teacher- she was superbly talented but very scary!

Once after a test - which was a scene we would act out- she preceded to show me how I appeared as I walked- it was helpful but horrifying- as of course the entire class erupted in laughter!!!

- Frank and I were very fond of imitating people we knew- and getting each other to guess who we were supposed to be!

Once at a friend’s Christmas party- we were asked to start that game- almost everyone there was familiar with our charades of sorts- and thought it was a hoot!

At one of Frank’s turns- he was hugely- really mocking this one friend that everyone knew- he wasn’t there that night- but I believe had he been- and had recognized himself- he would have laughed the loudest-

Everyone was guessing and no one was correct- Frank amped it up and I thought he was spot on! Still all were stumped- but they were laughing so hard and egging Frank on and on-

Then this friend of ours proclaims- I’ve got it- it’s Lynn- you’re doing Lynn!- to which everyone thoroughly agreed that it was indeed me-

I wasn’t sure how they had come to such a hideous conclusion- I did laugh though but probably not as enthusiastically-

Hole heartedly

 I had chosen another subject matter for H but was really not too comfortable with it- that might have been more interesting but something was saying no-

Of course you realize I am taking poetic license with my choice today-

Is it even possible to do something heartedly if there is a actual hole in your heart or a metaphorical one-

Maybe not- but do it anyway-

Those waiting for a helping hand probably have a need that fills them with a despair not only welcomes the attempt to help- even if one’s heart is not completely surrendered to another’s plight

Doing for others- tightens that hole and pulls the muscle slowly but surely back in its place-

Yes there may not come that peaceful ahhh moment- when one feels the joy of giving or the peace of making a difference-

Like a child dependent on it’s mother or other caretaker- for daily awareness of their struggles- there is no understanding of the hole in the tender giver and provider of affirmation- that everything is okay

Give until it hurts- like we hear- no pain no gain- the exercising of the wounded heart makes it beat in rhythm - defying logic and offering hope

Gossip or news?

 The Bible is pretty harsh about gossip- and actually I didn’t research its stance on it before writing today- but I’m sure it’s right up there- maybe even akin to witchcraft- or that is rebellion I think-please don’t quote me- 

But I think I should admit that I do enjoy it from time to time- but wait-

I have a good friend - when we skirt around what may be gossip- we now say- I’ve got some news of the day!

That way of looking at it comes from a long time ago- my daddy- who grew up in a rural part of Virginia- had no tv or phone- for quite some time! I remember him telling me how after supper he and his mama and dad and younger brother would drive a couple of miles down to his aunt Minnie and uncle Ed’s house - she was my grandmother’s older sister- aunt Minnie would always have cake ready and a big glass of cold milk for my daddy and his brother- my uncle Elwin-

There they would discuss each other’s and other others news of the day- my goodness it was never considered gossip-

So now my friend and I feel a bit vindicated when we pass on some interesting tidbit of the day- we kinda feel like we are preserving a gentler time- now if only we had aunt Minnie’s cake- we could be sure there was no gossip- as it surely helped the news of the day - go down just a little sweeter-